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maggie mushabooooom

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[03 Dec 2012|09:04pm]
[ mood | lonely :'( ]

i wish i had some friends or family.
also, i wish i could spend some time meeting new people without sweating buckets (so gross) and having to keep my hands over my face/ears because they're all hot and red and uncomfortable. </3 ugh... maybe it's time to seek treatment...

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[11 Aug 2012|02:50am]
well, birth control pills were probably the worst thing to ever happen to me.
4 ♡

[07 Apr 2012|10:19pm]
julian and i made friends with a cute couple - they are vegan tooo and love art and comics and all the same video games as we do! :o :o we met at the regina vegetarian society relaunch potluck last month. they came over to our place a week or so ago and we went to nit's thai food, ate coconut jellies, and played board games. we went over to their place wednesday night and played bananagrams (more fun than scrabble), goldeneye 64, mario kart 64, and a board game called shadow hunters. we also enjoyed some vegan red curry and i cuddled with their cute white kitty named hunter s. thompson and their white rat named patton. we enjoy hanging out with them. c: it's exciting to make friends who have common interests. yaaa!
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[09 Feb 2012|09:51pm]
tonight we showed marc & robynne how to make sushi & onigiri. marc said it was the healthiest thing he had eaten in like a month. the next day he asked to borrow our onigiri mold. :)

yay!

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[08 Feb 2012|06:07pm]
by the end of day 1 as a graduate nurse, i was scared. and unsure of myself.

by the end of today (day 3), i am excited.

i am inspired. :)

and i feel more comfortable in my new roles and responsibilities every day.

there is so much more i want to study to expand my learning (ie. about palliative care, wound care management, etc). there is so much i want to do. i want to influence positive change. i want to connect with others in a meaningful way. i want to make a difference. <3

i'm learning how to be in charge. it's going to be a challenge to get used to directing the care of others who are older than me and have worked in this area longer than i have. i just hope that others will accept me as a team member and that we can respect and support one another. :) i hope that others see my passion... i hope they see that i am really striving to be the best nurse i can be.

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[02 Feb 2012|01:27pm]
julian's reaction to me studying today (after writing the CRNE yesterday): "i thought you were DONE!"

LOL.

nursing = non stop learning. :)

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[17 Jan 2012|02:48pm]
i've already been offered a full time position on the medicine unit! and i haven't even started yet. wow. after hearing from everyone about how hard it is to get a full time nursing position when you start, i was a little surprised. i feel like i should take it but i already committed to start at providence place first...

decisions decisions. :P

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[15 Jan 2012|09:39pm]
julian and i moved to moose jaw on january 1st. it's so lovely here. :) our cute little apartment is so cozy... it's like an epic treehouse in the middle of the city. complete with lots of ladybug friends. :) we like how small it is because it forces us to be even more minimalistic than we were before. we didn't have a lot of stuff to begin with, but we have been giving a lot away to salvation army.

julian already became good friends with someone in our house (it's a big house split into 5 apartments) and he has a lot of similar interests: in music production, synthesizers, video games, D&D, etc! we also made friends with a couple who live a few blocks away and they are really interested in playing board games with us. they invited us to their house friday night and made us a VEGAN MEAL! that never happens! it was such a treat. <3 they made yummy lentil burgers, a quinoa/parsley/lemon salad, and peanut soup! and this was the first time we hung out with them! we feel so blessed!

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[09 Dec 2011|12:48pm]
i just realized that my student loan debt is a LOT less than i thought it would be! i think about half of my schooling has been paid for by scholarships, grants, and bursaries. :) :)

ALSO - we found a cute little apartment to live in! it's on the main street of moose jaw, right on the hill... in between the mall and downtown. it's only $525/month! a deal this great is almost impossible to find. we're going to save so much! we won't have a lot of room for storage... so again, we're cutting down on all the stuff we have. which is a good thing... because we've always liked to be frugal, and having a small place will make sure we stay that way. i always love moving because i can go through and organize everything and recycle what i don't need. :)

1 ♡

[05 Dec 2011|10:55pm]
i've been offered two nursing jobs in moose jaw! long term care at providence place and medicine at the hospital. :) i'll be casual at both, which i think will be nice! i'm being put into a mentorship program which i am very excited about.

i start orientation to the health region on dec 13th! and i get my graduate nurse license on approximately dec 15th.

so, getting a job as a nurse was much easier than i thought it would be. i even had an offer at regina lutheran home (where i currently work) and i got called for an interview at the pasqua hospital on 3B (oncology) - but i feel drawn to moose jaw and the opportunities there.

now... all i want for my birthday/christmas is to find an affordable/decent place to live in moose jaw! i can't wait to get moved in and settled. i write the CRNE on feb 1st... and there is so much to study! :o

1 ♡

[20 Oct 2011|05:09pm]
so, i've started my first week of my senior practicum on endoscopy at the regina general. it's been exhausting - i fell asleep at 6:30 pm last night (right after eating supper) and i slept for 11 hours straight. :o i feel bad because i fell asleep while trying to play this new ps3 game with julian: dungeon defenders. he didn't mind though, he just took the controller from my hand and gave me a pillow so i could sleep on his shoulder. <3

it's kind of crazy being back in acute care after a year out of clinical. i've been doing so well though. i've been getting lots of IV practice, which i love! :) it's such a good feeling when you get one, and even better when you get a few in a row. my stats are improving every day. ;)

it's also nice to hear "she's such a good little nurse!" :)

the RNs and LPNs on this unit are soooo good to me. i'm really thankful.

it's really inspiring seeing what the RNs can do in the procedure room - helping the doctor do PEG tube insertion, biopsies, etc. and they're always willing to teach me. it's so neat. i can't wait to be an RN (real nurse)! i wasn't really excited about it before, but the more time i spend in the hospital setting working with RNs the more excited i get!

2 ♡

[11 Sep 2011|05:22pm]


i'm still getting 100% on all of my drug calculation exams... even though i can't remember the last time i had to do them. it's reassuring!

i am loving senior practicum #1 @ the canadian national institute for the blind. these next few months are going to go by so fast...

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[28 Jun 2011|11:10pm]
i can't even talk to my mom on the phone because her drunk boyfriend is yelling in the background, trying to interrupt our conversation... :( so frustrating. i only talk to her once or twice a month and i feel like we rarely get to have a good conversation.
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[03 Jun 2011|08:08pm]
I just finished taking a theory course and clinical practicum in community health nursing. I did really well in both - and I think this is really my area of expertise. I got 92% on the theory portion, and my final clinical mark is 94%. My instructor said that they are discouraged from giving marks in the exceptional range (90-100%), but she talked it over with the clinical coordinator and gave the rationale for why I deserved that mark. I am surprised, excited, and really proud of myself that I have found an area of nursing that I really feel passionate about.

My instructor said my critical analysis papers were perfect, and my writing is at the Master's level. I wrote about chronic disease prevention in low-income populations, and about how nurses can get involved in promoting social justice and human rights protection. Both topics are really interesting to me, so I enjoyed reading the research and writing about them.

My instructor recommended that I take my Master's degree in Population Health Promotion, social justice, or something else that will allow me to contribute to those fields. It's exciting to hear that encouragement from someone who has had management positions in that field herself. She actually works for the University of Calgary Population Health Research Intervention Unit. She has done so many interesting jobs in mental health promotion and has been on funding boards for the health region. It was really neat to learn from her.

Our government and health care system don't devote enough resources to an upstream approach to health - to health promotion and disease prevention, rather than treating disease. You have to be really passionate about health promotion in order to do community health nursing. It's all about changing social policy so we create supportive environments and the conditions that promote health, rather than blaming individuals for their lifestyle choices when they are disadvantaged and vulnerable and don't have the means to change their situation. It's very unstructured so you have to be creative and put yourself out there, connect with other sectors and organizations, etc. I never thought I would be good at something like that, but it turns out that I thrive in that environment. Knowing that I am actually promoting health is what really motivates me. It's a lot different than working in the hospital.

I was really excited to be placed at the Food Bank, and it turned out to be an amazing experience. I learned a lot about the issue of food insecurity in Regina. The fact that 8 to 11,000 people in our city use the Food Bank every month is eye opening to say the least. Our group got involved in National Hunger Awareness Day by dressing up as sandwiches and grapes (I basically covered myself with purple balloons), holding up signs downtown, and distributing bags for people to use to donate. We got a good response from a lot of people, but it was amazing (and kind of frustrating) to watch business men and women cruising down the Scarth Street mall with their cell phones up to their ears and their heads down, not willing to stop for one second to realize that there are people living in 3rd world conditions in our own community. It's sad how disconnected we are from one another. Our priorities are in really odd places. National Hunger Awareness Day got a few seconds at the end of the CTV news broadcast. Most media attention that day was dedicated to hockey or talking about how a celebrity visited a yoga studio in Regina. Sad. It just served as another reminder of why I don't pay for/watch television.

It was really easy for me to connect with Food Bank clients, because I have been a Food Bank client myself. Not only do I remember going to get hampers as a kid, I even used the Food Bank in my first year of University. I really appreciate the importance of social programs like welfare, low-income housing, family allowances, and Food Banks because without them, I wouldn't be where I am today. I don't remember ever going hungry as a child, but without those supports, it may have been a different situation.

Being at the Food Bank was a well-rounded experience because I was also able to connect with different organizations in the community such as homeless shelters, Carmichael Outreach (needle exchange program), the Addictions and Detox center, Urban Aboriginal Housing Strategy, the Regina Literacy Network, and United Way. I got to do blood pressure screening with the Live Well With Chronic Conditions program, learned about community gardens, volunteered at REACH (Regina Education and Action on Child Hunger) and made Good Food Boxes, etc.

I'm just really grateful for the entire experience.

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[19 Apr 2011|10:11pm]
my mom wanted to come visit me next weekend and we were planning it all out, and then today she called and told me she had bad news - she has to work because someone got sick.
i've been afraid to answer the phone every time she calls because i knew something would come up and she would have to cancel. :( it always happens that way.
we haven't seen each other in 3 years. i barely even remember what she looks like. it's ridiculous that we haven't seen each other in so long... either i have work or school, or she has to work, or neither of us have the money to travel. :(
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[20 Mar 2011|10:52am]
i used to live life like it was a countdown... always waiting to be happy. i thought: once i'm finished university, life will begin.
i realized the other day that i have already achieved the greatest happiness for myself, and nothing external can change that. i don't need to have a career, money, a family, kids, etc. to be any more happy than i already am. sure, i may desire those things in the future, but i don't need them. i can't imagine wanting anything more than what i have right now. <3
i feel so content with myself and with my life, it's an amazing feeling. i no longer view university as an obstacle to be overcome... it's a journey and i'm enjoying every minute of it. i'm not rushing to get done, i'm just enjoying every opportunity to learn something new.
every little thing that happens adds to my life and who i am as a person, and i am grateful for that. even if it seems like it's something negative at first. life surprises. :)
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[15 Mar 2011|02:27pm]
i refuse to invest myself in someone who will never care about me. this is not about me being angry about my dad cheating on my mom and getting a divorce. it's not about that at all. it's about how he treated me when i was a child, before the divorce, and how he continues to treat me now. he will always be a selfish person and he will never love me. i have to accept the things i can't change and move on. there's no point in fighting for a relationship with someone who is completely insensitive to my feelings and doesn't even want to be honest about his own. it's like trying to draw blood from a stone. i'm not going to let myself be hurt anymore.
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[10 Mar 2011|01:36pm]
i just called my dad to wish him a happy belated birthday. this is the second time i've called him since our reunion last summer.
he said he spent his birthday in regina. he's always here, but he never cares to invite me to spend time with him. he told me just now that i am welcome to come visit him anytime and i just have to let him know and he will come and pick me up and take me to his place to stay for a weekend. he says he always invites my brothers and i to come anytime but he can't make us come... in his mind, he's doing his part and that's all he can do.
what i wonder is... does he really want to spend time with me or is it just something that he feels he has to say in order to maintain his self-image that he is a good christian person and a good dad? i have felt rejected by him for my entire life and he says he feels hurt that i rejected his invites, but he doesn't want to recognize why i don't want to come by myself to his home and talk to him amidst his new family. to me, that is not meeting halfway.

the only time my dad and kim speak up about something is when they want to make negative comments about who i choose to spend my life with or what i choose to eat, the things that i am most passionate about in life. they want to tear that apart the things that are most important to me! they didn't speak up when i was hungry and lonely and afraid and depressed and dealing with all the stresses of nursing school ON MY OWN, instead they cut off my bank loan making my situation even harder.

my dad refuses to recognize that i have achieved amazing things for myself. julian is my happiness. i deserve happiness so why would they want to try to belittle the importance of him in my life?

julian cooks and cleans. he takes care of me. he is the most affectionate, loving person i have ever met. he meets my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. he is the opposite of my dad - my dad has been a poor male figure in my life and i have seen him constantly choose to revolve his life around material objects over his own wife and children. i have seen him physically and emotionally abuse my mother, and neglect myself and my brothers. then he thinks he has the right to tell me what i deserve.

oh, and, the only comment he made about me finishing nursing soon is "then you'll be making lots of money and you can buy me a car!" and laughed! the same thing he said to me years ago. how sick and psychotic is that? i told him "i knew you were going to say that." after all i have been through i am going to reward him in the end with a car, and he hasn't even been a part of my life?
if you knew my dad, then you would understand.
basically all we talked about on the phone was how he wants to sell his expensive mitsubishi lancer (which he has invested more time, love, and money into than he ever considered giving me) now that he's made all of these modifications to it, because his new "hobby" is modifying expensive cell phones.
see how we have nothing in common? the things i care about: animals, the environment, health, social justice, fairness, equality, respect for life, love, and relationships are the opposite of what he cares about: material objects and money. selfish desires. i recognized this when i was a kid and he is still the same.

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[18 Feb 2011|11:19am]
my mom finally left her alcoholic boyfriend. she's living in her coworker's basement and sleeps on a futon now.
i'm happy for her. she says she won't be able to come see me for february break though, like she said she wanted to. something always comes up. we actually haven't seen each other in over two years.
i don't even know how to feel about it. my parents aren't a part of my life. my mom doesn't even know who i am. i feel sad when i try to explain to her what my interests are and what i'm passionate about and she just has no idea. :( we don't know each other.
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[07 Jan 2011|12:00pm]
my rent is going up $50 a month next month. :( :( :(

i haven't worked in the past 12 days (since boxing day)! i work all weekend though, so i can't wait to try out my new MBTs!

i started classes again yesterday. it's weird being at the u of r again this semester. i just have a few more electives to get that are required for my degree, and i waited until the last minute to get them.
i'm taking psych 102 and sociology 100. super easy classes. it's weird taking 100 level courses again. plus they're only an hour and fifteen minutes long, which is so nice... compared to three hour long nursing courses.
i'm also starting abnormal psych online next month, through the university of athabasca. excited for that!

1 ♡

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